Hi, I’m Floris, and I’d like to take you on a journey through my life. In my first story, I talk about a shadow of sadness and fear that emerged from the loss of my uncle’s child when my mother was pregnant. As a baby, I was often scared and cried a lot, perhaps because my mother herself had many anxious moments during her pregnancy.
Starting from this point, I’ll take you through my experiences in elementary and high school, where I had to find my way amidst various challenges. Let’s explore these chapters together, filled with highs and lows, and discover how I’ve navigated life with resilience.
In my early years, I was often fearful, which impacted who I became as a person. Starting elementary school was quite challenging. I worried every day whether my parents would come to pick me up, and that made me sad. Sometimes I cried for hours. Fortunately, my parents and babysitter were always there for me. Their love and support were a kind of anchor during times of uncertainty.
Despite the difficulties in my early years, elementary school was a period where I had a lot of fun and made new discoveries. I had many friends and a loving home with caring parents and a very attentive babysitter. My family and they were a strong support, helping to lessen the anxiety I felt. My parents and babysitter were there not just to comfort me, but also to encourage and support me in my hobbies and discoveries, like my interest in collecting Pokémon cards and marbles, and playing football.
I grew positively in elementary school, despite some tough moments. Luckily, my fear of being left alone lessened by second grade. By third grade, I felt completely comfortable at school. Elementary school was a time of joy and discovery, despite some difficulties. Having friends over brought me happiness, even though there were occasional arguments with my brothers over computer time.
Besides my love for gaming, I also experienced my first crush in elementary school. It was like a roller coaster of emotions that continued into high school. These feelings of love made that period extra special. It began with just curiosity and grew into strong emotions that colored my teenage years. Discovering how complicated relationships can be and feeling the first butterflies in my stomach was sometimes exciting and confusing.
Besides my love for gaming and experiencing my first crush, the transition to high school was scary. It felt like a new twist in the emotional roller coaster. I was worried about getting lost in the corridors, afraid of performing poorly in school, and anxious about making new friends. The start of high school was thus an exciting but sometimes frightening time, where I had to learn to cope with new things and challenges.
My high school adventure began in a lower vocational education with learning support, where my mother thought I would be in a safe environment. Unfortunately, my daily reality soon turned into a struggle against bullying problems. On the bike, I became a target for bullying, with physical violence like being kicked off my bike and hit in the locker room after gym class. Every day, words like ‘gay’, ‘flappy’, and ‘nerd’ were hurled at me. The first two years of high school were tough as a bullied boy, where the pain of bullying overshadowed my school experience.
In the third year, I switched to a regular class. Despite my success in schoolwork and the possibility of moving up to a higher level, I chose to stay in lower vocational education. The hope that a larger class would bring more invisibility turned out to be unfounded. The bullying continued. Instead of blending in, I became the target of even more intense bullying.
Physically, the violence got worse, with pushing, hitting, and kicking in the corridors. Verbally, the intimidation also intensified, with frequent humiliation in front of the whole class and ugly nicknames. It made the school environment increasingly hostile and turned my daily journey to school into a real ordeal.
Besides the existing bullying, things got even worse when I discovered that they were waiting for me outside the school walls. Every day, the fear grew, knowing that a confrontation awaited me after school. The threat of physical abuse hung over me like a dark cloud. My insecurity reached a low point. Paper balls were thrown at me, my backpack was repeatedly taken away, and other forms of humiliation were a daily occurrence.
The classroom, which should have been a place of learning, became for me an arena of constant struggle and humiliation. These experiences not only damaged my self-confidence but also left deep scars in my sense of self-worth. It was a difficult time where I went to school every day with fear and tension, knowing that new humiliations awaited me.
The bullying undermined my self-confidence and amplified my insecurity about my appearance, especially because I had one protruding ear. Every day after school, I ran to the mirror to adjust my hair and used my long hair to hide my ear. It became even harder because I began to believe what the bullies said about me. I really thought I was ugly and a loser.
This period of my life was not only marked by bullying; it was also the calm before the storm. At home, challenges began to arise, with my loving mother dealing with bipolar disorder and my caring father facing Parkinson’s disease.
In the following chapters, I’ll take you deeper into the reality of these challenges and tell how I had to strengthen myself against the difficulties that came my way. It’s going to be a journey through dark moments, uncertainty, and personal growth, where I had to find my way amidst an inner battle. Thank you for following my story so far. I hope to welcome you again next time on my blog, where I want to share strength and hope!
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