My Life Story Part 6: The Battle with Brief Psychoses and My Gratitude

In this part, I want to take you through a particularly difficult period of my life that began after my move to Tilburg, The Netherlands, as I described in the previous part. This was a time when my life took a negative turn, primarily due to my drug use and the psychoses that resulted from it.

Before I continue with my story, it’s important for me to add a few things. All the psychoses I experienced, which I discuss in this life story, lasted only a few hours, with the exception of the last one. They were always linked to the moment the effects of the drugs wore off. Looking back on that period, I truly regret the choices I made. These choices had significant consequences, not just for me, but also for the people around me.

I want to emphasize that I will not go into detail about my thoughts and feelings during my psychoses. This is still a difficult and personal topic for me. My story is meant to inspire others and give hope for recovery, no matter how dark the situation may seem.

Furthermore, I would like to add to this disclaimer that I have since been diagnosed with a psychotic disorder. At the time these problems first manifested, I was unaware of this. Due to my ignorance and the fear of seeking help, I went a long time without the necessary support. These factors – my lack of awareness and my fear – are evident in the other parts of my story.

I share this in the hope that it can help others understand how complicated and challenging it can be to seek help, even when deep down you know it is necessary. It has been a journey with many challenges, but I am now in a recovery process and feel happier. My experience shows that, while the road to recovery can be difficult, it is possible to reach a point of personal well-being and happiness.

After my disclaimer, I want to take you to an important moment in my life. This moment took place during a school trip to Berlin, Germany, an experience I will never forget. During this trip, due to drug use, I experienced a psychosis for the second time in my life. This terrifying experience made me deeply reflect. It confronted me with the severity of my addiction and showed how big its impact was on my life.

This psychosis was an intense experience. Everything seemed unreal, and I felt completely out of control. It brought a flood of emotions, especially a lot of shame. I was ashamed of my behavior, the loss of control, and how I presented myself to my classmates. It was a moment when I realized that my drug use did not only affect myself but also the people around me.

The significant events in Berlin also had a direct impact on my situation at school. I found myself in a difficult position where I was required to have a conversation with the principal. This conversation brought additional stress and discomfort. During the conversation, the severity of my situation became painfully clear, and the consequences of my behavior were emphatically highlighted. This reinforced my feeling of isolation and loneliness.

At that time, I was not fully aware of why this conversation was so important. I was in a period where I had trouble understanding my own actions and the reactions of others. Although somewhere I knew the conversation was meant to help me, it felt more like an additional confirmation of all my problems at that moment.

Not long after what happened in Berlin, I went on a school trip to Krakow, Poland. I had made an agreement with the principal that I would not use drugs on this trip, as a kind of proof that I could handle it. However, during this trip, things went wrong again. Despite only drinking alcohol, I experienced another psychosis. This was a shocking sign that my problems were much more complicated than I thought. This experience forced me to face the harsh reality. At that moment, I realized that alcohol is also a drug, and its use could be just as destructive for me as any other substance.

This second experience in Krakow was another wake-up call. It was painful to see how my behavior affected others, such as my friends, family, and people at school. Realizing that my actions had such significant consequences made me very sad.

I have yet to share the most dangerous psychotic experience of my life with you. This occurred after a techno event in Rotterdam in The Netherlands, followed by an afterparty in Tilburg. During this afterparty, I ended up in a psychosis that lasted two days. In total confusion and panic, I ran through the streets of Tilburg. A good friend, concerned about my condition, called the police. The situation escalated quickly, and I had to be subdued by force. The combination of the drugs I had taken and the calming agents administered seemed to have a devastating effect on my health. I ended up in a coma in the intensive care unit. The doctors were seriously concerned about whether I would survive. The pain and fear in my parents’ eyes as I lay there are memories I have acquired through them, and they deeply touched me.

During this psychosis, I could hardly grasp how much damage I had done to myself and others. It was an extremely painful realization. The regret I feel for my actions and their consequences is immense. It was hard for me to understand how far I had gone and what the impact was of my behavior, not only on myself but also on the people around me. This experience was definitely a low point and a crucial moment that made me realize how serious my situation was.

I would like to express my deep gratitude to the Dutch healthcare system for their incredible support during my toughest times. The doctors, nurses, and therapists who treated me were exceptional in their care and dedication. They welcomed me with open arms and provided the essential care I needed to get through this dark period. Their professionalism and unconditional support have left an indelible impression on me.

Thanks to their dedication and skills, I was given the chance to recover. They not only saved my life but also gave me hope and the means to embark on a new path. Their careful and compassionate approach helped me take the first steps towards recovery and a better life.

Moreover, I owe a great deal of gratitude to the Dutch police. Their respectful and empathetic handling of the most critical moments in my life was outstanding. They weren’t just there to uphold the law but also to offer support and ensure my safety when I needed it the most. Their blend of professionalism with a personal touch has profoundly impacted me.

Additionally, I am extremely grateful for the support and patience of my school during this difficult period of my life. Despite my mistakes and the problems I caused, they did not give up on me and offered me the help and guidance I needed. This attitude of understanding and compassion has made a deep impression on me. It has shown me that there are people who care about me and are willing to help me, regardless of the circumstances. I now realize how important my school was to me, not just as a place of education but also as a community where I could feel safe and accepted. Their support played a crucial role in my recovery and helped me get my life back on track.

These experiences with both the medical staff, the police, and the university of applied sciences have together contributed to a lasting positive change in my life. They have helped me maintain hope and build confidence in a better future.

In the next part of my life story, I will discuss my experiences with what I consider one of the best aspects of the world’s mental health care: Yes We Can Clinics. This clinic played a crucial role in my recovery process and has profoundly changed my life.

Yes We Can Clinics has a unique way of working when it comes to treating addictions and mental health issues. My time there was both challenging and enlightening, and I look forward to sharing my stories and experiences. This is a story of transformation, hope, and regaining control over my life.

So, stay tuned for the next part, where I will delve deeper into my journey through Yes We Can Clinics and how this institution helped me overcome my greatest challenges and start a new chapter in my life.

The next story I’ll share again on my Threads account >

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Floris Meulensteen
Floris Meulensteen
Articles: 75

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